Monday, September 19, 2005

Special Visitor to White House


Reality: "They weren't accepting my calls"

From Satire News Service

Today, Reality corporalized in the White House at a meeting between President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld and Homeland Security Head Michael Chertoff. In the middle of the meeting, where everyone was congratulating themselves on the success of the Katrina efforts, Iraq, the budget and many other items, there was a pop in the air and Reality itself appeared in the form of an accountant who could bench press a Buick.

"I had to do something," Reality told us later. "I had been trying to reach them for some time, and they weren't accepting my calls, my letters, my e-mails, my passed notes, and even the skywriting was ignored. It was this or a Strip-o-gram."

Reality immediately assailed them all for their refusal to hear bad news. "President Bush, you have been telling lies about the budget balancing itself as you refuse to cut spending or raise taxes. When the only time you draw a line in the sand about the budget's cost and then ignore it, you are NOT, sir, being a good economic manager of the United States! And what the Hell was "Mission Accomplished" and "No one thought the levees would break."? I mean, seriously, what the Hell was that? I won't even comment about "Bring them on!"

Reality turned to Cheney. "The insurgency is in its last throes? How can you say stuff like that without your nose growing? Have you read the reports? Or did you just guess?"

Rumsfeld had been trying to sneak out when reality grabbed him by the collar and dragged him back. "Okay, it's real simple," he said, making two charts appear from thin air. "TROOPS NEEDED IN IRAQ. Note this high line. TROOPS ASSIGNED TO IRAQ. Note this low line. Get the picture? Would you like to look at the chart labeled IRAQI FORCES READY TO SERVE? Or ARMOR NEEDED? Would you? I got a lot more, how much time you got?"

He then turned to Chertoff, sighed, and made a private appointment for later. "It'll take too long," he claimed. "Just take my word for it, you need a lot of checking from me."

A shaken Bush later stated, "Was THAT reality? I don't recall ever seeing him all these years I was in the White House!"

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