Pat Robertson has finally apologized halfheartedly for his calls to assassinate Hugo Chavez. Fitting his image, he at first denied he had said "assassination", claiming his words were "take him out", which could have multiple meanings, like kidnapping. While I agree the calling for the kidnapping of a duly elected foreign leader is MUCH BETTER than calling for his death, I'm still not so sure where the Robertson's supposed guide to life says this behavior is okay.
Oh, wait, I do see it. See, "Turn the other cheek," well, that means take the cheek of the person bothering you, and turn it away from you, which means move it away, which can mean kidnap! Ah-ha! Not only has Robertson given us an apology, he's given us a new way to interpret scripture!
Lessee, Exodus 22: 18, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Well, see, you shouldn't SUFFER a witch, and suffer can mean "to appear at a disadvantage." Therefore, you can't let a witch appear at a disadvantage to live. So, dammit, if you know a witch who is disadvantaged, give her some money, take her shopping, spruce up her house. Follow the good book.
How about this one, Leviticus 20:13, "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." (You know, the only part of the Bible some Christians read.) Well, it only says "lie". So any act standing, kneeling, leaning or with artificial aids to brace are hunky-dory! Or, how about this one: If a man lies to a man like he would to a women, THEN kill the SOB! This is why men are genetically incapable of telling one another, "Hey, you don't look fat in that." or "Sure, I'd love to go to the gardening show with you."
However, I don't think we can adjust the meaning of this one: "But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction." (2Peter 2: 1)
Getting off Robertson's stupidity, you will notice that his comments have actually strengthened Chavez's hand down in Venezuela. Way to go, Pat!
ChristianAlliance has some good comments on Pathetic Pat, as does Sojourners. I also note that some religious organizations have condemned him, but still no comment from Focus on the Family and FRC. Hm....