Thursday, August 04, 2005

Bush says more facts needed!


Facts for war only needed from one source

From Satire News Service

President Bush answered a a question on intelligent design today by responding, "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," and "you're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, and the answer is yes."

"Unless, of course, the subject is going to war, in which case only one source is needed - and it doesn't matter how questionable it is," he added.

In making his statement in favor of teaching Intelligent Design in school, Bush may have been playing to his base or reflecting deeply held beliefs. However, his next comments confused the issue even more.

"In fact, I think we should teach craniology with psychology, dowsing with hydrogeology, alchemy with chemistry, and entrail reading with meteorology. After all, different schools of thought are important. We should also teach all theories of life, from Hawaiian stories to Aboriginal folklore as well. The more information you have the better decision you can make, so we need every theory and school of thought around to make a decision. Except when it comes to WMD issues - why confuse the issue?"

John West with the Discovery Institute had qualified praise for Bush's statements.

"We are obviously for teaching Intelligent Design in schools as a alternative to evolution - we just want to make sure that the right Designer is credited," he said, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. Perhaps coincidentally, these exact same words and gestures were used by Hawaiian shaman Hali Ae'Kulo'ee and Aboriginal storyteller Runs With Wallabies. However, Elias Runcible of the Alchemists of America was more forthcoming with his praise.

"At last, the science of alchemy gets its day in the sun! I would have gotten more attention for this branch by myself, but the lead into gold thing is still coming along slowly. However, I was glad to help Rumsfeld determine where Iraq kept its WMDs."

Bush was also asked in the press conference if he believed the world was round or flat. "Round, of course - only fools go against a mountain of evidence and scientific facts for a theory. I'd sure hate to be one of those people," he added, laughing.

The press corps was silent.

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