Monday, April 30, 2007

The Return of SNS!

Republicans Offer Bill to Add 11th Commandment to Original 10

Other Commandments to be considered as well

from Satire News Service

Today, the Republicans offered a bill to add Ronald Reagan's '11th Commandment' - "Thou Shalt Not Speak Ill Of a Fellow Republican" to all 10 Commandments icons in the United States today. "The time seemed right," stated sponsor Bill C.N'ohevil, "what with the Alberto Gonzales hearing and all. It appears some people need a reminder of how important it is. I'd like to see it everywhere, from schools to tattoos."

While the bill has little chance of passing, it has great support from the White House. Bush has pledged to use all of his remaining political capital to push the bill, already preparing a 'Snowflake' rally for the bill and giving speeches about how 9/11 fell on the 11th for a wake-up call. Bush's wholehearted support is expected to make one unnamed Democrat pause for exactly one second before voting against the bill, although political experts have stated should Bush edge up to a 35% approval rating that time may double.

Cheney's offer of a hunting expedition to raise awareness of the bill was turned down due to a shortage of bright orange, bulletproof hunter's vests.

"We, as a nation, have forgotten this critical enjoinment, and the effects are devastating," stated a press release from the RNC. "Remember, if you can't trust the Republicans not to let you slide, who can you trust?" The bill has also been praised by Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and the Fox News Channel as well, who formed the PAC 'Gipper's Rule - Our Utterly Precious Idea, Ever So'. The Republican GROUPIES plan to mention the bill every chance they get.

Should this bill capture the public's attention, N'ohevil has other add-ons ready to go. "I would like to see another one that mentions how important loyalty is over all - call it the Meirs Amendment. One that states thou shalt not trust the media unless it agrees with you. And of course one that states excess in the pursuit of ideology is a virtue, not a vice."

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