Friday, June 02, 2006

For your consideration...

We have a new nominee in the category of 'cherry picking quotes'. I had always figured the leaders in this race - Drudge, Ann Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh - would be well-nigh impossible to beat. However, one plucky little newcomer has made a Hell of an effort to get ranked with the Big Boys of Bullsh*t, and I can only stand in awe of their entry.

Here's the deal. In an apparent effort to make conservatives 'hip' and 'down wid it', National Review has posted a list of the 50 greatest conservative rock songs. Now, gentle readers, be honest...when you think rock and roll, you don't generally think of Reagan, Fukiyama, Buckley, or Will. (You may think of the current Bush, but only as a subject...) There are some conservative artists - Ted Nugent comes to mind - but rock n' roll itself, or its songs, really isn't. (With the eminently exceptable Right Brothers, who've done nothing more than place talking points in rhythm.) Country, of course, given the outcry that came about when the Dixie Chicks said they were ashamed of President Bush. But rock?

Well, a little thing like reality wasn't about to stop the NR! No, with the assistance of careful selections of verses, 50 songs were found that were judged to be conservative. Their standards were, "The lyrics must convey a conservative idea or sentiment, such as skepticism of government or support for traditional values." (Skepticism of government is a conservative idea? Did I miss NR's condemnation of Bush's actions ANYWHERE?) So, what did they feel were good matches?

Songs like "Sympathy for the Devil", "Revolution", and "Right Here, Right Now". "The Battle of Evermore" and "Janie's Got A Gun". "Godzilla" and "Wake Up Little Susie".

Sure, you may be thinking the same thing I was. "The Hell?" But think of the songs they missed!

"I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" - clearly an ode to capitalism, baby! "I'd like to buy the world a Coke"...they didn't say 'like to have the government promise everyone a Coke and tax the upper class to get them!"

"American Idiot", by Green Day - "Don't want to be an American Idiot" - a blast at the liberal public education system. "One nation controlled by the media" - liberal media! How much more conservative can you get, for Pete's sake?

"Mother", by Danzig - "Mother, tell your children not to come my way." - a call for good old stay at home mothers involved in their kid's lives!

"Beautiful People", Marilyn Manson - In what other words could a call for churchgoing be phrased but: "The beautiful people, the beautiful people/It's all relative to the size of your steeple"

"The Hand That Feeds", Nine Inch Nails - "Will you bite the hand that feeds you?" Do I need to spell it out? Welfare reform now!

"Somebody's Watching Me", Rockwell - Hey, this guy survived a little surveillance! Quit yer bitchin'!

"Fine Line Between Pleasure and Pain", The Divinyls - Who's to say some of the people being abused didn't like it, huh?

"The Real Slim Shady", Eminem - Okay, this one may be a little hard to shoehorn in.

No comments: